am I selfish for keeping distance with people who drain me?

The rain blurred the outside world as I stared into my lukewarm latte. “Am I a bad friend?” I mumbled. Lately, I preferred my own company. Some people, nice ones even, left me drained after hanging out. It felt more like a chore than fun. Susan Cain’s book “Quiet” talks about “energy vampires” who zap your energy. Were these people my vampires?

I felt guilty. Social connection is important, like Brené Brown says in “Daring Greatly.”

Was I missing out by being alone?

The cafe door chimed. It was Sarah, my friend with a booming voice. Her hug took my breath away. I loved her, but by the time she left, I had a headache and felt emotionally wiped.

The next weekend, I curled up with a book and tea. The quietness soothed me. Maya Angelou writes in “All God’s Children Need Traveling Shoes” that it’s okay to be quiet when you’re upset. The alone time helped me recharge.

I started picking who I spent time with, choosing people who gave me energy, people who understood I needed quiet time. It wasn’t about ditching people, but healthy boundaries.

One night, I met Emily, a friend who gets my introverted side. We talked about self-care and she quoted Audre Lorde: “Taking care of myself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary to be good to others.” Taking care of myself wasn’t mean; it helped me be a better friend, daughter, and me.

The guilt lessened. Surrounding myself with supportive people wasn’t against anyone, it was about accepting myself. It was about creating a life where I felt good, a life where I could connect with the world on my own terms. So, no, I wasn’t being bad. It was about being the best me, with the energy to connect with the world in my own way.

In the end, choosing who fills your cup isn’t selfish, it’s self-love. It allows you to show up for the people and experiences that truly matter, with a full heart and a recharged spirit.